i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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