i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
