is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
