I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize