the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
