Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
