the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
