All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
