READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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