i think i have herpe
just one?
she smelled like a LAN party
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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