you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
