there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
