Umm I'm too high to move.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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