He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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