i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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