you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have post one night stand depression
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