they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
