so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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