He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
