ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will be naked everywhere
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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