His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
