i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
