dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
