I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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