Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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