a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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