Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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