rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Randomize
