I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
