so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
