i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
