Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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