would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
please don't ironically join a cult
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