Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
