The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
