What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
