so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
