I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
