all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
