Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
