You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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