um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
