tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
