is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
