Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
