I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
