I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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