so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
