honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
