who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
