my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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