Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
