I got chris browned last night
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
