At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to have your abortion
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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