So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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