remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
