Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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