a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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