so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Vodka?
Forever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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