i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
