I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry about my life...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
