yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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