She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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