My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
