I think my vagina is haunted
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
