bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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